JEALOUSY is being afraid that They are better than You. That They have more to give, or take, or show than You. No-one has your path. No-one has your experiences. No-one has your life. WELL, not quite. Some-one does. Some-one has the unique lessons and learnings and teachings and insights that You have gained. They allow representation of the world in a wholly new and unique fashion, a fashion never represented before in the whole of history. THAT some-one is You. Only You have your infinite path stretched out behind how, and the infinite possibilities of your future strewn ahead of you. No-one has your path. ONLY your history and your decisions can shape your future. Watching others get paid more, perform 'faster, higher, stronger' or react differently - more calmly, more confidently - with jealousy and wish for their reactions and their abilities is a self-destructive response. AND it is a fear-full response. Jealousy is a belief that some-one else has some-thing that you do not have, and cannot attain. To present on your sporting arena a watch a climber effortlessly glide up a route or seeing some-one paddle flawlessly through a series of rapids or smash out a game of tennis or score from fifty yards out or... what-ever, feeling jealous is born from a belief that 'That is not for me.' and a belief of 'I am not good enough to do that.' GREAT achievement always was followed by great effort; and great, repeated failure. Each failure was met with a dusting off, a standing up and a carrying on. " feeling jealous is born from a belief that 'That is not for me.' " ONLY You can be the some-one to change: how You react, how You perform, how You achieve, what You achieve. Your Jealousy is a fear of never being good enough. Only you can feel your emotions and choose to act upon them, or suppress them. YOU can dream it: you can do it. The void between the Dream and the Do are choosing positive action. Taking the next step. Not the first step. The first step is identification. You have cleared that hurdle. Your jealousy is your identification. You know what you want. You have felt it burning in your head and in your heart. Now you need to find the actions necessary to make progress. WHAT are you jealous of? Who makes you feel jealous? What do They have? How does that relate to your life? How can You bring that into your life? What will it take? Are you willing to put in that effort? Are you willing to fail at those hurdles, to fall down and bleed, and pick your Self up again? Are You willing to burn in that way? Burning down and burning up: lighting the way forward for your Self with your falls and also for any daring bravely enough to follow you. What makes you burn in that way, glowing your inspirational light to the world? WHAT makes you burn? Found it? Good. NOW... act.
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RE-FRAME: This is all about language. This is all about choice. This is all about decision. YOU have a choice to make. You can choose to make a difference to how you view the world. You have within a preset inclination towards, or away from, any number of feelings, actions, emotions and experiences. AS a long distance runner my task is to keep moving onward when my body would rather have paused, stopped, given in, collapsed at any of the doorways I pass on my route. As a climber I an inclined to find the most challenging, dangerous, complicated route to travel to the top of a cliff. (Most cliffs I ascend have a 'walk off', a path that can be walked down. If I want to see the view from the top, why not just walk up there?) WHY push? Why sweat? Why bleed? Why suffer? TO achieve. FOR success. FOR joy. The sensations of suffering, of pushing the body. The reasons for the sweat dripping into my eyes. The sharp rocks when I climb, that scratch and cut as I jam my body against them hoping for a little extra friction, another inch higher... the suffering is the reason we Do sport. We suffer that we might in the end, achieve. "can fear be a power-full navigation tool?" RE-FRAMING is about looking over our concepts of negative emotions and experiences, and shifting them into helping them to find our way. How can fear be a power-full navigation tool? How can jealousy clarify our desires? "I'm smiling on the surface, I scared as hell below." THE object here is to grab something dark, turn it over and hold it up to the light. Taking the darkest of times, focusing on them and finding the pain and suffering, then reasoning with it in the light of steady meditative focus allows it to become a learning point. AS you read through my examples and learn a little about what scares me, what makes me turn around, back off, re-assess my situation and also see what makes me push deeper, finding my hidden reserves, think over situations when you have experienced these feelings and look over how you can use those emotions and memories to re-tune your attitude to face the situations better next time and perform differently. UP-SETTING is about upsetting the record you have been playing and making the replay different, better. More in line with your values, your beliefs, your ideals. IT is the dream of the success, the top out on the cliff, the finish line of the race, the achievement, that we DO the suffering for. Yet the suffering, the fear, the pain can be power-full tools to help us see where we are going, how to get there and what we can gain as we go along the way the our end. I have been absent for a while. No apologies for that. Only that dull aching feeling of 'Should'. THAT sensation of 'I should be blogging...', 'I should be doing this...', 'I should be feeling this, or that, or the other...', 'This is distraction, I should get on with the important stuff...' Locked up in my mind for a while with the monster of Should rattling the bars and roaring at me. BETTER yet than Should, I turn to the monster and face him level-eyed, staring him down and spit out my truth, 'Maybe you're right. I Could. Why am I not doing it then.' A crucial part of mental training is the language that I frame it in. Care-fully considering how to phrase a question or suggestion or idea or logic. Should is a debilitating word, it is the monster that shakes the cages, it rattles the bars and roars at me when I want to sleep, and howls when I am busy running to keep up with all those important little things that need to happen. As I run the Should nudges and shoves at me, do this, what about that, over there, and don't forget to do the laundry. STARING down the Should Monster and rewiring him with a Could liberates my time, my life, my words, my actions and my decisions. I could be blogging, why don't I. I could get up earlier and do this work, what reason do I stay in bed for? I could continue to not eat sugar and feel better in my body, what is my pay out in consuming? THE Could can be turned back around to a question. The Should is only highlighting with bright burning spotlights the problem. This is the issue, here, look at this, ha ha, I found one, Should be doing this. This one, right here, forget that stuff, look what I found. I don't like the Should Monster. He does not serve me and I do not want him in my life. WHAT you focus on grows. And when I take heed of the Should Monster's words and listen and throw my attention on his problems what do I receive? I receive more. More problems, more spotlights, more Should. The first one never served me, so why keep accepting these suggestions from this monster? MEANWHILE, all the time I have been stumbling through dark chasms of grief, past and present with occasional snapshots of the dark moments of the future. Should shoving me and telling me that this is not what is important right now. Forget that, do this. My mind un-prepared and un-willing to engage. Just needing to do stupid things to re-fill with empty crisp goodness. Shinning and scuffing my way up climbing routes, winding a canoe across a lake or down a river. Cycling the long way home and hitting long sections off road with no lights and starring at the fractions of full moon splintering through the trees and digging out my phone to navigate the river side path by the flash light on the top! Stupid, pointless, late-night distractions. YET all so valuable in my steady re-covering of this death, and those deaths of old that I paint over with my grief to allow in and forget all at once. To let me sit down here again, as 7am approaches and the lights plays over the curtains casting yellow and blue strips across the room. AND here I am. Again. Re-starting. Ok. Let's go play. Thank you for your patience. ACM The Rainbow Curtains in the Living Room.
Sometimes crazy ideas work really well! No, you are wrong. It is ok to fail. I encourage it. I whole heartedly embrace the principle of failing. To be creative you have to fail. And that’s ok. GOOD, now I’ve cleared that up, what is holding you back? You really are afraid of failing. What will happen when you create and put it out there and then fail? DO you know how old I will be when I succeed? SAME age as you will be if you continue to fail to create. Fail to dare to fail. (#) ACCEPT the process of artistic failure; accept the process of indulgent failure. Throw all your effort into your next possible failure. Release your judgement, before you being, before one brush stroke lands, or one letter hits the pain-fully white page, or the first note frees itself from the string. Accept the possibility. Then release your judgement. And go create. IF there is failure, so be it. YOU can step up and create again. Nothing is saying that failure is the end. Failure is not the end. Failure is the beginning of better beginnings. LETTING your-self fail is intensely liberating. It allows you to realise the truth, the truth that you can fail, you can get up, you can begin again. You must begin again. Never mind what the Crowd say, you are not in this to please every-one. Nothing ever can. The most printed book in history is fervently ignored by most people in the world. The Bible. To try to involve and please every-one is the ultimate in ironic notions. Nothing will ever please every-one. Aiming at this will be guaranteed to fail, you will always not please someone. And therefore you will have failed. INSTEAD focus on who you want to reach. Who do you want to connect to? What do you want to tell your people? How do you want to let your work affect their life? What can you do to add value to their life? ONCE you are connecting with people in ways that you believe in and spreading your truth then you will not fail. You cannot fail. Even when you only reach one person. That is success. Honour that success. Then do it again. Go create. Dare to fail. Thank you ACM Positive Passionate Power-full Performance (#: Paraphrased from Julia Cameron’s seminal creative textbook (bible) The Artist’s Way. Free excerpts available on App Store for iPhone, check out the intro and some of the work book, then launch into it. Cameron says: ““Do you know how old I’ll be when I can play the piano/act/paint/write a decent play?” Yes... the same age you will be if you don’t. So let’s start.” Page 30, The Artist’s Way, 1994, Souvenir Press Ltd.) Hoping the rock doesn't move! The Cantilever, The Glyders, Snowdonia, North Wales. I could not make this journey without you. I appreciate your time. I notice what you have done. I approve of your effort. I see that was difficult, you put in a lot of effort. I appreciate what you have done. I would love to do this again. I see you now. You have changed my world. You have made this easier for me. You have made this better for me. You listen and hear. You look and see. For dressing up. For showing up. For coming. For inspiration. For standing up. For sitting down. For listening. For talking. For speaking up. For calming down. For fighting my corner. For caring. For getting this show on the road. For pausing. For passing this way. For passing this way again. And again. Your footprints will stay in the sands of my life. My world is improved for your passing this way. Without you this would be a lonely, pain-full time. The magic word I am defining: Thank you. All I have to add, is thank you. Thank You. ACM More on mindset and language awareness in my online e-Courses, a series of twice weekly emails focused on adapting mental awareness to improve performance and gain success. Find out more: CLICK HERE Positive Passionate Power-full Performance. "...for opening the door..."
Yurt holiday in Hampshire, a whole new way to live. MY wife, Vicki, has since the age of 18 been a Ms. Vicki stepped out of the world of being a Miss when she became an adult and when we married we refused to accept the title of Mrs. What is our reasoning? THE title Miss, historically, denoted an unmarried female, property of her father. The title Mrs denoted a married female, property of her husband. This is the foundation of the principle of titles for females. The person is always chattel, the property of someone else - specifically of a male. Never their own person, in control of their own destiny. This does not sit well with Vicki, or me. WE were insistent upon our union that we did not become a Mr and Mrs, instead we continued as we were when we met, as a Mr and a Ms. Each unique and each our own person. When we came together to become 'one' we joined to forge together as a partnership, linking our pasts to head into our future. Not as a transaction of property. As a joining of destiny. THIS also explains the reason of our choice of name. We were born as a Clubley and a Moore. We discovered on brief research at the coming of our first child (pre-marriage) that any chosen name can be adopted, with the complicated inclusion of hyphenation of names. We choose to name William a Clubley-Moore. To claim him not to my tribe, nor to Vicki's. Instead to both. A forged link between two unique tribes and a binding promise between them. Zachary also became a Clubley-Moore. SO, as a wholly unique tribe - by my two minutes of research on Google (fountain of all knowledge) - we step out into the world as a collection of individuals, standing together to help each other with our unique gifts and help the world in whatever ways we can. Stepping up to the new day each and every day asking: what can I change today? What can I improve? How can I best serve myself, humanity and my future? As the tribe of Clubley-Moore, and as individuals together. TODAY, is the christening of Baby Albert, he is the son of Vicki's gap year partner, Rachel. Vicki and Rachel spent 1999-2000 together on a wild ride in Zimbabwe. Welcome to the world, Albert, and welcome to your new tribe of Christianity into which I was long ago baptised. Strive to do your best good at all times and in all places, especially when it is hardest to do good. Leave each place you go a little bit better for your passing. Thank you ACM Positive Passionate Power-full Performance Wedding Day. 18th June 2011, Marriage under the trees and sky and loving eyes of our community.
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AuthorAndy Clubley-Moore: joyful outdoor sports activist, writer, father, husband. Lover of life, activity, success and barefoot living. |